So for the past week I’ve been trying to determine my New Year’s Resolution(s).

Normally I am not one for making big huge resolutions, especially while ending one year and bringing in the New. I quit making New Year’s resolutions when I was a kid. I learned at a young age how easily I can disappoint myself.

But now that I’ve gotten older and time is running out, well, I think I have changed my mind about this whole resolution-making business.

Let’s take a look at the definition of the word “resolution” first, shall we?

From Dictionary.com the definition of “resolution” is below:

1. a formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group (the many voices in my head). Compare concurrent resolution, joint resolution.
2. a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.
3. the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
4. the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.

But there was one more that I particular liked…

10. reduction to a simpler form; conversion.

A conversion! Simpler form! Now THAT is what I’m talking about here people.

I’ve had many things rolling around in my head the last few days. Mostly it is a reflection of lessons learned from 2010; how I want to take what I’ve learned and move forward in the New Year.

I’ll try to break them down here but most of them will run together and probably have the same meaning.

1. Be resolved (duh). Well when I say “be resolved” I mean make a decision and stick with it. I want to make up my mind, CONFIDENTLY, about whatever then move forward with goals and take action. But first I need to MAKE UP MY MIND WHAT IT IS I WANT. Well, that’s not fair, I DO know what I want, I just can’t make an immediate living from it. Not yet. Really, I just want to quit being wishy-washy (or what I used to call it, open minded, which is really not the case here. No, I’m just plain ole wishy-washy). Heh.

2. Move on. In this, I mean stop the madness with expecting certain people to change. They are not going to change. They will always be that way, you’ve given them time and time again to prove to you that they are a person of their word. They continue to fail you. Move on.

3. Quit caring. Stop worrying about what everyone else on God’s great earth is doing, thinking, or not doing. And certainly, stop caring what others may think of YOU. Because in reality, they are more than likely NOT EVEN thinking about you. 😉 You already know this Carol so stop it. (OK, why all of a sudden I am talking to myself on the blog is beyond me.)

Um, so the first three are really kind of the same thing. Let me try a little harder….

4. Stop saying, “I don’t know.” Because you DO know. Stop lying and saying you don’t. This is a cop-out. You say this phrase a lot. It’s time to get honest and say the truth out loud and stop hiding behind, “I don’t know.” It’s weird how you have the ability to actually say those words out loud while at the same time your brain is thinking something else entirely, you know, like with an opinion of your own, an original thought, a new idea, or perhaps even an actual answer. But you never say it out loud, you just cop-out with, “I don’t know.” Just weird.

5. Write.

6. No more excuses, not from you or from anyone else. If someone else wants to give you an excuse then so be it, but don’t sit and stew over it or hound them about it. Refer to resolution #2 on this one. Now, for yourself, young lady, stop making excuses. You know a lot of people who are achieving their dreams that have a ton of other obligations going on in their life, and yet they are successfully moving forward. No more excuses.

7. Stop comparing yourself to others. You know the old saying, “Stop comparing your insides to everyone else’s outsides.” Good grief woman, when are you EVER GOING TO LEARN THIS ONE? I’m not even going to say anymore, you know what to do.

8. Focus. Commit. This one really sounds a lot like resolution #1 – but let’s elaborate. First of all, you may want to cut down on some of your “activities” – stop signing yourself up for so much. Let’s scale back, focus on a few and do them well. Commit to a few and see them through. You know which ones. Stop saying, “You don’t know.”

9. Keep quiet. Stop telling everyone what you want to do, what you are doing, bragging, what you are NOT doing, giving them excuses, blaming, and blah blah blah. Just keep to yourself, YOU KNOW what you want, you don’t need to tell someone else about it over and over and over again. Just do it. I know it’s difficult but perhaps you need to try to practice a little humility.

10. Be positive. OK, I have to give you a little credit on this one, you have gotten a lot better with trying to be (and stay) positive. Keep up the good work and continue on.

11. Last but not least, please stop talking to yourself on the blog.

Sitting Here Drinking Coffee

Yeah, I don’t have much to say right now. But the other night? I had a lot to blog about – I had planned to tell you all about what I was going to do for the New Year; my little plans and designs. I had it all in my head, ready to plan it out on my blog, put it in writing, making it real.

I must be getting old because now as I sit here and sip my coffee, well, um, I’ve just plum forgotten all that I wanted to do, how 2011 and I were going to change the world. OK, not really change the world, just change my little world in my head.

Today I went into work, cleaned up my office, preparing it for 2011 and felt how good it was to be thinking of the New Year ahead and how much more on-top-of-it I was going to be at work, more organized and stuff. I liked it. I then decided to take the rest of the week off to do the same at home (and spend some extra time with The Boy before he goes back to school on Sunday).

So now I sit here on Monday evening, starting to feel lazy and unproductive and I have forgotten what I was going to do, write, and plan for 2011.

It will come to me again. It’s right there, just in grasp of my memory. I know I want to organize my home life, take down the tree, and other things. I’ll just enjoy what is left of this evening, go to bed and wake up fresh. After all, tomorrow is another day.

Gratitude for 2010

Dread. I always hate making these yearend inventory-taking obligatory lists. I usually avoid them like the plague but the last few days these very thoughts have been haunting me and I feel moved to post something now. I’m always afraid I won’t have anything good to report for the previous year but I think I can come up with at least a few.

I wish I could put my personal accomplishments on my work/career yearly evaluation that is also due at this particular time of the year, but I’ve got nothing to report work-wise.

But back to the personal gratitude list for 2010…..

1. In 2009, and with encouragement from a good friend, I signed up and trained for a half marathon. I ran my marathon on Valentine’s Day of 2010. So from September 2009 to Valentine’s Day 2010, I trained for a half marathon. I was disciplined! I worked hard. I signed up, stayed committed, and accomplished what I set out to do. I even quit smoking for that period of time, that’s how committed I was to doing this small event. It was awesome. I’m not so much grateful for actually running the marathon, although it was a blast, but I am more grateful for having the commitment to train and to finish something I started.

2. Getting control of my finances. I have implemented a plan to become debt free for 2011. I asked for help, inviting a friend of mine to help me create a spreadsheet and budget to get to my debt free goal. I carry around the spreadsheet with me all the time and check off my payments. The last few weeks I’ve gotten off course because of Christmas and whatnot but I know I can get back on track, now that I have had a taste of financial freedom. It is empowering, and liberating, to take control of financial matters.

3. Meeting new girlfriends! I’ve met some really nice women along the way, from various events and clubs and social media. My part time job has really opened me up to a lot of good people. Then there are my new writing friends; face-to-face writing group, and via Facebook. Some of the folks I haven’t personally met but we plan to someday. For now our online presence works just fine.

4. Weeding out the nonsense. I’ve been able to get rid of some things that aren’t working for me. Some of them are relationships and some are just personal beliefs. I am still working on getting rid of a lot of old thinking, of which I believe that sort of job will never really be completed. It is a continuous effort. But the fact that I am more aware of what is really going on inside my head and heart is a great beginning.

5. Making my mind up, being clear with what I want. Again, this is another thing that seems to evade me from time to time but it always comes back to writing. I know this is what I want to do more than anything in life, well, that and traveling. 😉 But during these last few days that this whole space-time continuum has been beckoning me, I will commit to something for 2011. That is another post for the near future, like maybe next week or after Christmas and closer to the New Year.

6. Facebook and Twitter – I’ve learned NOT to feed in my Twitter to my Facebook page. Nope. I use my Twitter account for short bursts of rants and venting from time to time and I don’t want that to be all over my Facebook. Besides, I find it annoying when others do the same, feed in their Twitter feed to Facebook. But in regards to Facebook only, I am grateful that I have learned to get a better handle on the whole social media thing. I’ve learned how to “hide” the nonsense of others and post my status updates that can be helpful, to both me and others. I’ve also gotten to communicate better with my extended family on Facebook. Plus, the Scrabble game on Facebook is worth it alone to create an account. 😉

7. Family life. I know, all the way down here at number 7. Heh. But this list was put together in no particular order. I’m just typing stuff as it enters my head. So family, yes, I have The Gent and two teenage kids. I don’t know if my parenting skills have gotten any better but I know it has gotten harder and tougher to be a parent. In that I mean, having to say “no” to my kids. Having to actually be a parent and stand up against what I think is bad for them, even when they want to play the video games, go spend the night and hang out, be on the phone at all hours of the night, go to places on the internet where they know they shouldn’t be, not buying anything and everything for them just because they ask and say they want it, these are just a few of the challenges I’ve encountered this year with my teenagers. I’ll keep the other stuff to myself and private as it should be. So yeah, being the parent who disciplines is not fun. But who ever said parenting was supposed to be fun. All I can say is THANK GOD FOR THE GENT!!! He is a Saint. He is steady and consistent and calm and logical. And he cares. The kids may not see it yet, but hopefully when they are grown and gone from the house, they will see the benefits of his teachings and love.

8. Dread. I am aware that just because I dread something doesn’t mean it is going to be terrible. In fact, most of the time is quite delightful. So I realize this about myself, that while my first response is, “NO!” or dread, gloom and doom, if I just pull myself together and go, show up, then I will participate and have fun.

2011? Bring it.