Parenting Young Adults: Is It Really a Thing?
Parenting young adults—now there’s a topic worth exploring. But is it even truly parenting anymore once your kids are in their twenties? At some point, it feels like you stop being a “parent” and start navigating uncharted territory.
Is There a Guide for Moms of 20-Somethings?
Has anyone written extensively about being a parent, particularly a mom, to adult children? And can we please retire the term “adult children”? It feels like an oxymoron! Maybe “young adults” is a better fit. Yes, that sounds more fitting.
So, where are the manuals, books, or articles on how to be a mom to young adults? Both of my kids are now living on their own—my daughter is 25, and my son is 24. They work, pay their bills, accumulate debt, make decisions, cook for themselves, do their own laundry, and navigate relationships. They even manage stress, see to their health, and practice personal hygiene… you know, adulting. And I’m no longer the one making decisions for them.
It’s a strange feeling—almost a helpless one. Do they ask for advice? Well, it depends. Probably not for most things, but when faced with a major life decision or a tough situation, they might turn to me.
But here’s the question: Do I refer to this as “parenting young adults” or “being a mom to young adults”? Using the word “parenting” feels too formal and distant, but calling myself “Mom” seems a bit too old-fashioned, especially since they’re not kids anymore. I’m not ready to call them “grown-ups” either, but “grown kids” doesn’t sit right. Maybe I should create a term: “ParMom” to “AdYoungs”—but, no, that’s silly.
Relishing the Time Together
When I spend time with my kids now, it’s wonderful. I find myself pausing, appreciating the moments, and observing them as adults. I often catch myself wondering if I see traces of me or their dad in their actions or thoughts—and I’ll admit, I’m hoping to see more of him than me. But that’s a whole different blog post.
There’s one thought that lingers in my mind constantly: Did I do enough? My instinctive answer is always “No.” I can never quite let myself off the hook. But, in reality, they’re out there living their lives. My kids, in their mid-twenties, are independent, handling things on their own—and from what I can tell, succeeding. And that’s good, right?
Did I Push Them Enough?
Did I push them enough when they were younger? Should I have forced them to stay in school longer? Should I have set stricter boundaries or been more lenient? Should I have taught them more about financial responsibility, relationships, and assertiveness? Did I instill the right values—honesty, compassion, a strong faith in God? The questions go on and on.
Is It Too Late to Parent?
Now that they’re young adults, is it too late to continue “parenting” them in any meaningful way? Or do I simply offer advice when asked?
I remember my parents telling me—though it might’ve come from a movie or somewhere else—that their job as parents was to raise me so I could leave home at 18 and be independent. Well, my kids have done that. They’re out there living their lives, but they still want to talk to me and spend time with me. So, there’s that.
Do You Keep Parenting Once They’re Grown?
Is it time to take a step back and let go of the reins? Once your kids are adults, is it hands-off parenting? It’s a terrifying thought—watching from the sidelines, hoping you’ve prepared them enough, but knowing deep down that you probably haven’t done it perfectly.
Learn more about Carol Marks, the blogger.
